Empathy is defined as, that subjective feeling of familiarity we get when hearing about or witnessing another person’s situation and understand what it might mean or how the experience might feel.
The couple’s version of empathy could be defined as:
The ability to bear witness to your partner’s experiences while intentionally trying to understand what it means to them, why it matters, and how they feel about it – especially when your view differs!
Almost like magic, well-expressed empathy has the ability to diffuse difficult emotions and bring partner’s close.
Truly, there is nothing quite like feeling seen, heard, and understood by your partner!
As a relationship factor in couples, empathy has two parts:
- Partner A’s (PA) feeling and expression of empathy and
- Partner B’s (PB) felt experience of Partner A’s empathy.
In other words, empathy is a felt sense by both partners of Partner B’s experience.
Here is an example:
Emma (PA) and Andrew (PB) are discussing Emma’s work. Emma is disappointed in her supervisor’s lack of experience and resulting poor work schedule over the next two weeks. Though Andrew thinks the schedule is not that bad – instead of stating his view – he tries to understand Emma’s view, why it matters, and how it is making her feel.
Andrew: Emma, it sounds like your next two weeks are going to suck at work.
Emma: Yes, you know it’s hard for me to work back-to-back shifts. I need to have time to run errands and take care of the house.
- Understanding that Emma’s work schedule is going to make her feel overwhelmed, busy, tired (or any number of things)… Andrew can recognize what that feels like for Emma and can and does respond with empathy.
Andrew: The idea of having to work and take care of the house seems like a lot to have to take on.
Emma: It does, I just wish I didn’t have to deal with it all.
Andrew: Maybe I can help.
Emma: Thank you, honey. That would be wonderful. Can you…….?
In this example, once Andrew is able to put his own feelings about the schedule aside, and see it from Emma’s perspective, his felt empathy naturally flows into an offer to help. Emma feels Andrew’s empathy and is more comfortable asking for his help.
Here is an alternate example without empathy:
Emma (PA) and Andrew (PB) are discussing Emma’s work. Emma is disappointed in her supervisor’s lack of experience and resulting a poor work schedule over the next two weeks. Andrew thinks the schedule is not that bad.
Emma: Look at this, I can’t believe the schedule she just posted. I’m going to lose my mind!
Andrew: Your schedule doesn’t seem that bad. I have had to do that lots of times.
Emma: You never take my side. Why do you always make things all about you?
It is easy to see that the presence of empathy in the first example creates a better outcome for both partners.
In essence, empathy paves the way for a deeper couple bond. As each partner has a felt sense of being understood by their partner, they feel more confident in the relationship and in themselves.
Ready to inspire your team with insights on empathy and collaborative problem-solving?
Elevate your next event by booking Dr. Kimberly Parrow as your keynote speaker. Tap into her expertise and experience and discover practical strategies for expressing empathy in both personal and professional settings.
Learn how active listening, perspective-taking, and validation can enhance communication and foster trust and respect among partners and colleagues alike.
Contact us to discuss booking options. Let’s ignite empathy and drive positive change together!
